Concerts Disconcerted (What makes a good gig?)

by Stelios Tigkas
What makes a good gig? Here, we have come to conclude that many of the qualities we appreciate at gigs are completely irrelevant to the music itself. Use the following innovative rate-a-gig questionnaire to find out what makes great gigs. Share this with your friends, go crazy!
For each “yes” answer, add 1 point: 
1. People
Own mood
* Am I uptempo for reasons unrelated to the gig?
* Am I celebrating something?
* Am I planning to get drunk and/or stoned?
* Is it Friday/Saturday/weekday before bank holiday?
* Do I look forward to a particular band?
* Do I look forward to meeting/seeing people?
* Are many friends joining?
* Is the crowd having a good time?
* Is the crowd communicative?
* Are there more than 50 peeps attending?
* Any cool shirts?
* Any dancing?
* Is there a good mixture of boys and girls?
* Is there a good mixture of (sub)cultures?
2. Bands
* Are the bands communicative?
* Are the bands passionate?
* Are they having a good time?
* Do they actually know how to play?
* Is each set less than 40′?
* Are there more than two bands playing?
* Are the bands running on time?
* Is the gig international?
3. Venue
* Is the venue small? (less than 500 peeps)
* Is it a DIY space?
* Is it smoke free/properly ventilated?
* Are there LPs/cassettes/tees for sale?
* Does the beer cost 3 Euros tops in/near the venue?
* Is the beer cold?
* Is there a functional toilet?
* Is there a good hangout space outside the venue?
* Is it a cool neighbourhood?
* Is the venue easily reachable by public transport?
* Is the gig free/donation-based?
4. Sound: 
Way too many people will talk about the sound, usually bitching. How the sound was muffled, how you couldn’t hear the bass from this particular angle, how the drums were too high in the mix. 
We normally do not give two shits about the sound, except for two extreme cases: We’ll get in a trance if the sound is extremely good for whatever reason: crystal clear, suitably deafening, extremely dirty (in a way that’s matching the band’s style) or otherwise very noticeable and memorable. On the other extreme, there are a few gigs (maybe 1 out of 30) in which the sound is so completely rotten that hearing and appreciating the music becomes practically impossible. Therefore: 
* Is the sound absolutely incredible? [Add 10 points]
* Is the sound absolutely atrocious? [Subtract 10 points]
5. The gig itself
Finally, there’s something to be said about the show itself. Sometimes, the band on stage simply slays and this is the only thing that matters.
* Does the the band on stage simply slay? [Add 20 points]

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